FOR EXPECTING MOTHERS THE YEAR 2020 WAS GOING TO BE EPIC.
In 2019 I found out I was going to be a first time Aunt. Turns out, I was going to be an Aunt to FOUR nieces. Like many women in 2019 and beyond my sisters were looking forward to pregnancy, childbirth, and early motherhood.
Obviously, the year 2020 was not epic in the traditional sense of the word. As we all know, it was catastrophic and horrible. It was unfathomable even. Yet my sisters persevered and became Mothers, and I still became an Aunt to four nieces.
You see, I love being an Aunt. When I found out I was going to be an aunt I was so excited to teach, support and provide knowledge to my younger sisters about motherhood. I have two young children. So I thought I could offer a healthy perspective to help my sisters embark on their new journey as mothers.
Regrettably, I felt useless. I could offer very little to them. So many of the things that worked for me as a new Mom to help me cope during pregnancy and postpartum would not and could not work for my sisters. This is due in part to the current pandemic.
The world of conception, pregnancy and postpartum flipped upside down.
My sisters and every pregnant woman and new mother in the year 2020 and 2021 are in uncharted territory. They have had to pave a new path of what motherhood entails.
Typically, the role of Mother requires courage, hope, humor, flexibility, and resilience. These qualities are palpable. All of us have that “mama bear” quality. We are all amazing and incredible humans.
However, I want to shout it from the rooftops that there is a new breed of Mother. This includes the women who tried to conceive, conceived, gave birth to babies or are raising babies during the current pandemic.
Let me be clear, I have not come to this conclusion because I am a biased sister and aunt. Since March 2020 I have lost count of how many pregnant and postpartum women I have served. It is an honor to witness and listen to this group of Mothers’ journeys day in and day out.
Honestly, I don’t think there is a word that can describe these women adequately. So, instead I am writing a letter to my nieces, and all of the other new babies of this world to share with them what their Mothers had to endure last year and at present. I want to share with them how resilient, brave, and strong their Mamas are.
Maybe one day we can name this new breed of Mother or maybe not. Either way, I am in awe of them, and this is the best I could do to honor them.
***************************************************************************************************************
Dear Pandemic Babies,
Before this pandemic becomes a thing of the past, I want to share with you what your Mothers endured to keep you alive and healthy.
In early 2020 the world confronted a Global Pandemic. It was the most severe pandemic since 1918. As a result, the world shut down and your Mothers were completely alone. Nothing was the same, nothing. Overnight, and unexpectedly everything changed and your Mothers were left to figure out how to keep you safe on their own.
You see, pregnancy and early motherhood is typically a magical time, filled with celebration, excitement and hope. It is a time that has great transitions as well as challenges and struggles. However, Mothers can expect those changes, challenges, and struggles.
Everything about how you came into this world is novel. Even doctors, nurses, fertility clinic teams, and therapists with years of training and experience struggle with navigating the pandemic. In part because they have never experienced anything like it before. For example, due to safety and the dynamics of Covid-19 rules change daily. Additionally, operational guidelines are implemented and then suddenly removed and replaced with another. The typical advice, support, medical and therapeutic interventions are different in order to serve your Mothers’ needs because of the circumstances of the pandemic.
The Covid-19 Global Pandemic of 2020 is one of the most notorious thieves in all of history.
Devastatingly, the pandemic stole many things from your Mother. Some of your Mothers had to wait even longer to conceive you because temporarily their fertility clinics were closed or treatments were stopped due to safety concerns. What was already an enormous struggle, became a battle to bring you into the world. Yet, she never stops fighting to meet you one day.
Then, while she was pregnant with you, she could not celebrate your upcoming arrival as she normally would have. She was robbed of the opportunities to feel joy and excitement after learning she was carrying you. For instance, baby showers are no longer permitted. Or, she is not allowed to bring in her support person to sit by her side at appointments while being examined in preparation for your birth. Yet, she still finds a way to find joy and celebrate your upcoming arrival. She is creative, and changed the ways to celebrate you.
Horrifically, some of your Mothers had to deliver you alone without anyone she loved holding her hand. Even if someone is with her during labor and delivery; she does not get to see smiles to ease her fear or nervousness. Instead, it is sterile. For no fault of their own; nurses and doctors wear protective garments hiding their typical comforting facial expressions and body language. In their postpartum room the sounds of laughter and squeals of joy from visitors are absent. Instead they hear the overhead sound systems announcing code after code pleading for help to save others’ lives on the floors above or below them. Yet, she showered you with love, hope, and joy the minute you joined the world. She overcame her fears and shielded you from the chaos.
Your Mother persists.
When you finally arrived into this world, she assumed the duty of protecting you from a deadly virus. Consequently, she faces decisions that are unimaginable. For example, “can I have my family and friends visit my baby?” Sadly, the notion of, “it takes a village,” is a thing of the past. So, she created her own version of a village.
Heroically, your Mother became a warrior the minute you were born. She stares down the Global Pandemic with a ferocity that is unparalleled. Though this bravery does not come without a price. For some, their own mental and physical health have wounds. Such as, some of your Mothers experienced or are experiencing immense physical pain, depression, anxiety, fear, sadness, isolation, and despair during this time.
Historically, postpartum emotional distress is not acknowledged or it is considered weak to seek treatment. Nevertheless, because your Mothers possess the determination to keep you safe, they bravely ASK FOR HELP. They have come out of the shadows and are disposing of the shame surrounding postpartum emotional suffering. With courage and strength they are clinging on for dear life and are doing the work that is necessary to heal from their wounds. Like going to therapy, setting boundaries, prioritizing their needs, or taking medications to get healthy and strong. They are paving a new path of what postpartum looks like.
FOR YOU.
Pandemic babies, I do not share your Mothers’ challenges to make you feel guilty. Rather, I want to share with you that your Mothers have defined the meaning of love for the world. They are showing the world that love means being resilient, courageous, having determination and dedication, fierce, self-compassionate, gracious, kind, judgement-less, and patient. For that, the world and I are deeply indebted to them.
As we enter a world, post pandemic, I encourage you to lean into your Mothers’ paved pathway. Their path is love, and love will never steer you in the wrong direction.
Bloom Well,
Katie
Resources:
Share this Story!
